10 years without you

119 Views

Ten years ago I had a 3rd tragedy in as many years. On May 22nd of 2009 I lost a dear friend and so much more. I was beginning to recover from the losses that plagued me in 2007 and 2008. The loss of my mom to cancer was the first and the loss of my marriage was the second. And love had left me behind.

But of course when you don’t go looking for something you always find it. And I found love. I found that I could open my heart again to another. Friends become closer and other talks begin. That is what happened between myself and Susie. She called herself Susan to most of our mutual friends and people we both knew. But she used Susie with another group of friends. I liked either name. They both enabled me to smile.

We talked endlessly across the distance. I was in Des Moines and she was in Chicago. We both had our pasts and present. We talked to on another almost daily. The sound of her voice even today makes me smile. As we talked and chatted about everything. We discovered our mutual attraction. And we talked about the future. And our future.

Even though she suffered from asthma, she was planning on running in a race for the cure event over the Memorial Day weekend. I was thinking about making a weekend trip to Chicago so I could watch the run and was checking out hotels in the area. I didn’t make it to Chicago the way I planned over that weekend.

Susan passed away suddenly on May 22nd in 2009. I couldn’t eat, had trouble sleeping. I was depressed and struck with a terrible loss. The loss of my friend, the loss of a possible future, and the past 2 year losses all came tumbling back on me.

I did go to Chicago after Memorial Day that year. My aunt Alice paid for a hotel room so I wouldn’t have to attempt to drive back home the same night. But I went to Susie’s wake and memorial service. I had to go, I needed to go. To say good-bye. It was a very tearful day for me. And now 10 years later, I am still saddened by the loss.

Rest in Peace my sweet Susie, Zipper Sister and Mistress of Complications of the Deryni fandom.

Happy Birthday Susie

34 Views

I would love to be able to say those words to you. But for now, I must wait in this life until I can say them to you again. I’ve tried to write this a couple of times now, getting my thoughts and emotions in order. But I really can’t on this one. I love you Susie. I wish you were physically here, what a different life we would all have right now if that was the case. Thank you again for being my friend and much more even though it was cut short with your passing. I still love you and always will. You are never far from my thoughts and always in my heart. And when I need to hear your voice, I just play that voicemail message you left for me. It makes me smile to hear it. Happy 47th Birthday and I blow a kiss towards Heaven for you.