What’s Eating Colin Kaepernick?

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Before the first kickoff of the NFL regular season, we have our first NFL-related controversy not involving a dirty rotten cheater named Tom Brady. (Not that I have an opinion on Brady, mind you.) From our good friends on the West Coast, San Francisco 49ers quarterback Colin Kaepernick decided not to stand for the playing of the National Anthem before a preseason game against the Green Bay Packers. Kaepernick explained his actions on Twitter, saying it was because there are so many blacks dying in the streets and that he felt it was part of the American culture, as symbolized by the flag.

While his statements and actions have been inflammatory, the beautiful thing about America is he has a right to say it without the government smacking him down like a linebacker getting a sack on him. As much as it pains me to do it, I have to defend his right to make a stand, no matter how misguided it is.

Of course, that same right gives us the ability to mock him for the benchwarming, Super Bowl losing, underperforming and overpaid, selfish douchenozzle he is.

After the incident, Kaepernick said he was inspired by Black Lives Matter, a network of people who have made it a point to cry “police brutality” in lieu of “wolf” and turn a blind eye to the problems in their own communities. Kaepernick himself is biracial, with a white mother and a black father. His birth mother gave him up for adoption, where he was adopted by a white family and got a lot of benefits from that experience.

But, yeah, he’s totally legit when it comes to The Struggle.

Granted, Kaepernick has been vocal in his support for Black Lives Matter in the past, so this most recent of acts shouldn’t come as a surprise, but I have to question the timing. To put it mildly, last season wasn’t the best for him. Not only did he find himself riding the bench like a stripper in a rich man’s lap, but his prospects of making this year’s team are dwindling faster than the aforementioned rich man’s wallet with said stripper. Imagine the uproar if Kaepernick would be cut, benched, or traded to another team after this incident. Regardless of the facts involved, there would still be people who would think it was because the 49ers organization was racist and would protest in that vein.

Yeah. You might want to ask Michael Sam how that approach worked out for him. That is, if you can catch him between shifts at the Frialator.

Whether it’s a position based on firm conviction or selfishness, Kaepernick made his bed, and now he has to lie in it. Of course, being the kind soul that I am, I’ve devised a way for him to help.

Just give the portion of your contract that derives from white fans and give it to the communities you feel are most racially oppressed. Of course, the FBI states more white are killed by cops than blacks, so logically that would mean whites are more oppressed by cops when it comes to death by police officer.

In other words, you’d be giving your white fans refunds. And instead of blaming it on The Man, you can be The Man and help oppressed people like me avoid getting shot by police. That might mean you have to give up some of your wealth and ability to buy nice things for yourself, but isn’t it worth it knowing you’re helping stamp out oppression?